


Turning Points

by Rogue of Heart (Akumeoi)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Divergent Timelines, F/M, Gen, Multiple Endings, Multiple Pairings, Multiple Relationships, Timelines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-07
Updated: 2011-09-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 09:26:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2019834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akumeoi/pseuds/Rogue%20of%20Heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Karkat chooses Terezi and Nepeta finds comfort in a variety of different ways. Six different timelines. Set on the meteor, pre-Seek the Highb100d.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

_One in friendship_  
Three in love  
One in freedom  
One in blood 

_Cats have nine lives_  
And here are six  
A thorny thicket  
A nasty mix 

_These turning points_  
That fill our lives  
Should we turn  
To left or right? 

_These crazy choices_  
That we make  
Always fearing  
Our mistakes 

_Yes, one in fire_  
One in rain  
Three in sunlight  
One in pain 

_These turning points_  
That fill our lives  
I turn left  
And you turn right 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nepeta smiled fondly as she put the last touches of paint on the newest addition to her shipping wall. A picture of Gamzee and Karkat smiled/scowled back at her. It had taken ages to mix the paints to get the orange of their horns, and she was proud of her work.

Nepeta sat down on the floor, resting her back against one of the many random treasure chests scattered about the lab, and put her paints at her feet, the better to admire her masterpiece. She loved all her pictures – they reminded her of home, of her charcoal-and-blood shipping wall, and it made her happy to see all her friends paired off so nicely. Love was one of Nepeta's favourite preoccupations, and redroom more so than blackroom. Happy endings made her want to purr in contentment.

The only pairing on her shipping wall that didn't make her smile whenever she glanced at it was her OTP. Herself and Karkat. And yet, that was the one she couldn't help but think about over and over again, all the time.

Lately, he seemed more out of reach than ever. He and Terezi were developing a matespriteship, and there was nothing Nepeta could do about it. Worse, she knew she would never forgive herself _if_ she interfered in it. She couldn't bear the thought of hurting either of her friends, but she didn't want to lose Karkat. Nepeta only hoped that when the time came, she could put aside her jealousy to be happy for both of them, or at least to convince herself that she was happy for them. She also hoped that she would learn of the pairing second or third hand, from someone sympathetic.

Suddenly, she heard a knock at her door, and jerked upright, aware that she'd drifted off for a few moments. As she scrambled to her feet to open the door, she accidently knocked her paint tray over. Bother! She'd been hoping to save that orange for more pictures. Oh well. She'd clean it up later.

"Who is it?" she called, although she knew it would be Equius. Since her new shipping room was in his section of the lab, there should be no one else outside that door.

Imagine her surprise when Aradia answered.

"Nepeta?" she called, her voice muffled and distorted through the thick metal door. "It's Aradia. D0 y0u kn0w where Equius is?"

Nepeta quickly opened the door to let Aradia in. "Sorry, I have no idea!" she said. "I thought fur sure he was out there, building robots." She waved her hand vaguely in the direction of the room behind Aradia.

"Well, I was waiting 0ut here f0r a few minutes, and he hasn't sh0wn up," Aradia said.

"Purrhaps he's looking fur you!" Nepeta giggled. "H33, h33, h33! Why don't you stay here, and I'll go look fur him? That way, if he comes back you won't miss him, and if he isn't going back, I'll send him back."

"S0unds like a plan," Aradia said. "Thank y0u." She glanced at the rainbow-splattered floor over Nepeta's shoulder. "And I'll clean up that paint for y0u."

"Pawesome! Thanks!" Nepeta said with a grin. "Just don't move those crates that are against the fur wall, please. S33 you!"

She stood aside to let Aradia go past her into the shipping room, then set off up the stairs, back to the main part of the lab.


	2. ALPHA Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where she gets Karkat after all.

Nepeta figured that the first, and best, place to look for Equius was the main computer room. Her meowrail wasn't really the social type, but he did follow orders, and technically they were supposed to stay in the computer room. Silly old Karkitten said so. But when she'd asked nicely for permission to go work on her shipping wall, he had said yes. And here she was.

She found herself starting to get caught up in thoughts of Karkat again as she stepped on the transportalizer to take her to the lab.

'Not now, Nepeta,' she thought.

When she arrived, she quickly scanned the room for Equius. There he was, talking to Kanaya. Kanaya? Well, okay. Not wanting to interrupt, Nepeta hesitated for a moment with one foot half-on the transportalizer. Aradia hadn't said her talk with Equius was urgent. Perhaps she should just leave him alone?

Time to find a free chair and help herself to it, she supposed.

She saw Vriska, Sollux, Terezi, Karkat, Feferi, and Tavros sitting at various computers. She couldn't help herself; she had to go talk to Karkat. She was just starting towards him when Terezi turned away from her computer and nudged Karkat with her elbow. Nepeta froze.

Suddenly, her breath left her body in a huff and her heart began to pound in her ears. Although she was too far away from Terezi to hear exactly what she was saying, Nepeta saw and felt the word "matesprite" on her lips. She saw Karkat stiffen and slowly nod his head, and then she could bear it no longer.

She knew what had just happened. Terezi had asked Karkat out, and he had said yes.

_No._

Faster than thought, she pivoted gracefully and practically leapt back into the transportalizer.

The jolt and tingle of the transportalizer brought her back to her senses. The feeling of shock was replaced by the overwhelming desire to flee, to run and be as far away as possible from everyone, especially Karkat. She only hoped to gog that he hadn't seen her – that would make everything ten times worse.

She dashed to the next transportalizer like a sprinter going for gold, and, arriving at the room of the twelve portals, onto Equius's transportalizer faster than she ever had before. It was only as she arrived at the top of the stairs did she remember that Aradia was in her shipping room.

Yowling with frustration, she was forced to spin around again and go back to where she had come from. But she didn't make it to her transportalizer in time. Just as she reached the portal with her welcome, familiar green sign hovering above it, Karkat burst out of the central transportalizer.

"Nepeta, wait!" he said, but by then it was too late.

Arriving in her own room, Nepeta leaned gratefully against the cool metal walls, head spinning. She closed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself tightly as if to keep her heart from bursting out of her chest in an attempt to escape the sudden wave of pain she felt washing over her. She wished Equius were there so she could bury her face against his chest and shut out the world, especially the boy waiting for her on the other side of the portal. Her knees buckled and she slid down to sit on the floor.

She leaned her forehead against her knees and wondered how she'd gotten into this mess. Then she wondered if Karkat really was still waiting for her to come back out. Ugh! She was sure he was. If there was one thing she loved about Karkat, it was that he was nice when it was needed. And now she had to be on the receiving end of his stupid compassion.

She felt the pricking of tears begin behind her eyelids, and willed her heaving heart to calm down. 'You can have a minute,' she told herself. One minute to calm down, one minute to regain control, and then she would face her would-be matesprite. Oh, if only she hadn't been followed!

She dearly wished she could just cry her poor, wrenched heart out. She would have if she had been alone. As she sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve, she willed the panic and pain inside her to go away. She sat huddled on the floor, gasping for breath, eyes tightly shut, utterly miserable.

After her minute was up, Nepeta forced herself to her feet. She quickly rolled over the wet cuffs of her coat, hoping Karkat wouldn't notice and see how weak she was. Her collar was askew, so numbly, mechanically, she smoothed it out. When she could no longer think of reasons to delay the inevitable catastrophe, she stepped forward to face her fears.

When she first came out of the transportalizer, the expression on Karkat's face was the same one you'd see on the face of a starving man who just saw his hat full of coins get stolen. This expression quickly disappeared, to be replaced by Karkat's customary scowl, which Nepeta thought was cute. She squashed that thought as hard as she could, and composed her own features. She wore not her customary sunny smile, which at that point would have been a mockery a wriggler could have seen through, but a plain, blank expression. Her lips didn't curve up, they didn't curve down. 0_0

"What the hell was that about?" Karkat demanded. Nepeta opened her mouth to reply, but he cut her off, saying, "Oh, forget it. Look, are you actually going somewhere, or can I talk to you for a second?"

"It's okay," Nepeta said. "Uh, what's going on?" she winced at how awkward she sounded, but Karkat only shot her a quick, uninterpretable glance and said,

"Well, there's something I have to tell you. I should have said something a long time ago, but I'm not good at this crap."

"Uhh huh," said Nepeta.

"You, uh, _like_ me, right?" Karkat said.

Nepeta nodded glumly. Here it comes... the sorry-I-don't-like-you-back talk. Karkat's scowl grew even more pronounced, but he took a deep breath and pressed on.

"Sollux says we're all going to die soon, so I might as well tell everyone all the shit I've been wanting to get off my chest. Which, frankly, is a lot of shit. Eridan's going to be neck-fucking-deep by the time I'm done with him, the miserable bastard. I've been talking with Terezi, and she agrees with Sollux – oh, for gog's sake. Sorry. Guess I should get to the point," he said sheepishly.

Nepeta nodded, wondering why Karkat was prolonging her agony. She dimly noted that he was never sheepish, but at the first mention of Terezi, her poor bruised heart had splashed right back into her stomach again, and she felt like she could barely breathe. It was all she could do to stop herself from bolting again.

"I, uh... I like you, Nepeta. I mean, not in a friend way. Wait. I have a fucking crush on you, gog-damnit! A huge, freaking, red solicitation! Which the –" he broke off abruptly to look anxiously at Nepeta.

"But what about you and Terezi?" she managed to choke out. "Isn't _she_ your matesprite?"

"What? No!" Karkat said. "We're fucking moirails, already! She keeps me from fucking killing all you assholes, and I help her find her fucking glasses before she sits on them! Sweet troll jegus, why does everyone think we have a thing?"

At his words, the world stopped.

Nepeta felt her heart float back up into her chest. All the sadness she'd been feeling a moment ago dissolved, and a ray of warm summer sun filled her with a crazy euphoria. A grin split her face in two, her eyes sparkled.

"Yeah!" she said. She threw her arms wide and grabbed Karkat in a huge hug.

They stood there for a few moments as Nepeta's head spun, and she had to restrain herself from squealing aloud in joy.

Then Karkat said in a tiny voice, "So, does this mean you like me back?"

Nepeta's only answer was to pull him in for a kiss, and everything was ten times better.


	3. BETA Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Equius does his moirallegial duty.

Nepeta figured that the first, and best, place to look for Equius was the main computer room. Her meowrail wasn't really the social type, but he did follow orders, and technically they were supposed to stay in the computer room. Silly old Karkitten said so. But when she'd asked nicely for permission to go work on her shipping wall, he had said yes. And here she was.

She found herself starting to get caught up in thoughts of Karkat again as she stepped on the transportalizer to take her to the lab.

'Not now, Nepeta,' she thought.

When she arrived, she quickly scanned the room for Equius. There he was, talking to Kanaya. Kanaya? Well, okay. Not wanting to interrupt, Nepeta hesitated for a moment with one foot half-on the transportalizer. Aradia hadn't said her talk with Equius was urgent. Perhaps she should just leave him alone?

The issue was decided for her when Kanaya happened to look up and catch her eye. She said something to Equius, who looked at Nepeta expectantly.

"Hi," she said cheerily, walking over to join them, "I just wanted to talk to Equius for a moment! But it's not really really impurrtant, so if I'm interrupting something, I can leave."

"No, We Were Not In The Midst Of A Discussion Of Any Importance Either," Kanaya said.

"Oh, okay!" said Nepeta.

"In Fact, We Could Use Your Opinion On This Matter," Kanaya said.

"I would be happy to help! And Equius, Aradia is looking for you. She's in my shipping room. But she didn't say it was impurrtant."

"Very well," said Equius. "I am e%tremely pleased that you promptly relayed this message." Then to Kanaya – "You were almost done, were you not?"

"Yes, Almost," Kanaya said. "Nepeta, Equius And I Were Just Talking Over The Possibility Of And Potential Problems Involved With Acquiring For Tavros A New Pair Of Robotic Legs."

"Really?" Nepeta said. "That's fantastic!" As one of Tavros's good friends, she was delighted by the idea. Perhaps, with the ability to literally stand on his own two feet, some of the confidence that had been robbed from him along with the use of his feet might return. It wasn't wings, but it was a start.

"Equius, you are going to do it, right?" she said enthusiastically.

"Of course," he said, although from the amused look Kanaya gave her, Nepeta knew he hadn't been so sure before she had endorsed the idea.

"There Are Only A Few Things Left To Contemplate In This Matter," Kanaya said. "I Suspect Tavros Will Chose To Pay A Visit To Propsit Sooner Or Later, Which Will Provide Me With A Convenient Opportunity To Remove His Old Legs With My Chainsaw, But In The Time Between Then And Now, A New Pair Of Legs Must Be Made. How Long Do You Estimate Such An Endeavour To Require?"

"It will take e%actly one hour," Equius said.

"Very Well. I Have Corresponded With My Future Self And She Has Assured Me That We Have Available To Us The Ample Time Span Of One And A Half Hours. Even So, Please Be Prompt."

"I will," Equius said. "After I converse with Aradia, I'll begin immediately."

"Yay!" Nepeta said.

"Oh," Kanaya said suddenly. She shot a quick glance over Nepeta's head, which Nepeta didn't notice.

"Before you go…" Kanaya said.

"Yes?" said Equius.

"Oh… Ah, I Hope You Will Remember Not To Get Completely Distracted By Your Lovely Paramour."

"I will be sure to honour this request," Equius said.

"I'll k33p him out of trouble," Nepeta said, grinning. As she and Equius turned to go, Kanaya grabbed her arm.

"Nepeta, I Really Don't Think You Should Look Around."

"What? Why?"

"Uhh…" Nepeta had never heard Kanaya uncertain before, and never known her to be at a loss for words. She felt a tingle of apprehension and began wondering what could possibly be the matter.

Kanaya glanced over her head again, and what she saw apparently did not please her. This time, the gesture was not lost on Nepeta, who had to resist the urge to turn around and see for herself what was the matter. Equius, half way across the room by now, stopped and waited by the transportalizer.

"Nepeta," Kanaya said gravely, her face filled with compassion, "I Truly Apologize For Having To Inform You Of This, But Karkat And Terezi Are Kissing."

The colour drained from Nepeta's face. Her knees buckled, and she would have fallen if Kanaya hadn't still been holding her arm, anchoring her to reality.

"What?" she whispered.

"Don't Look Around," Kanaya said again. She beckoned Equius back.

"Here, Equius, Come Take Her Arm. Let's Go."

With Equius supporting her on one side, and Kanaya walking beside her, Nepeta was able to leave the room without bursting into tears or puking up her guts – both of which felt like very real possibilities.

Kanaya guided them back to Equius's transportalizer. Once out of the stifling computer room, Nepeta could walk on her own, but she kept a tight hold of Equius's hand. As usual, he didn't squeeze back, fearful of breaking her fingers.

"Would You Like Me To Come With You?" Kanaya said.

"No, thank you," Nepeta said in a strained voice. "But tell me one thing – how did you know?"

Kanaya didn't even have to ask what she was talking about.

"I Believe It Is Something Only The Trained Eye Could Detect," Kanaya said. "I Learned Of Your Red Feelings For Karkat After Observing Your Interactions With Him Several Times. Don't Worry – I Doubt Others Knew Of Your Infatuation Unless You Chose To Inform Them Of It."

Nepeta glanced up at Equius, who was still stonily silent. She hadn't told him anything. All he knew was that she was suddenly sad, and he had no idea why.

"Thanks, Kanaya," she said. Kanaya nodded and left. Still Equius said nothing.

"Aradia is in there somewhere," Nepeta said, gesturing to the transportalizer. "I'm going to go to my shipping room and wait, okay?"

Equius nodded. They went through the transportalizer together, and found Aradia at the top of the stairs.

"There y0u are," she said. "Thank y0u."

Nepeta nodded, then fled to her shipping room, her social interaction done for the day.

Once back in her comfortable, familiar surroundings with her pictures smiling down at her, she relaxed. She had to stand very still and take deep breaths before her head stopped spinning. Her shock wore off, leaving her a nervous wreck, a bundle of restless energy. Though her legs were still weak, she began to pace the room.

'Well, you got your wish, Nepeta,' she thought. 'You got the news second-hand form someone sympathetic. So what's wrong with you?'

In spite of having known it was coming, in spite of having been prepared, she felt absolutely crushed. Her longest-held, fondest dream had just been destroyed. Her heart ached; there was a hole where her hope had been. Thank gog for Kanaya, but she had disgraced herself in front of Equius. She desperately hoped he wasn't angry.

Nepeta scowled at painted Karkat, but she couldn't bring herself to scrape his face off the wall. That seemed like a fitting revenge for breaking her heart.

What was she thinking? There had been no unsaid expectations between them, nothing ventured, nothing gained. But Nepeta had wished...

She felt herself getting chocked up and tried to reign in her thoughts. She opened the door to the shipping room, just in time to see Equius and Aradia kiss.

Augh!

She knew it was petty, but she couldn't stop herself. Jealousy roared within her, and she slammed the door shut as loud as she could, then stomped to the far end of the room. She threw her arms against the wall, shoved her face in them, and screamed. She kicked the wall and stayed there, nose smushed into the crook of her elbow, tears filling her eyes and spilling over. She immediately regretted her actions, but she felt so helpless that she couldn't bring herself to move or go apologize.

In less than three minutes (which seemed like forever), the door to the shipping room opened with a quiet creak, and Equius came through it. They stood in silence for a moment. Nepeta, ashamed of herself, didn't run to him as she so dearly wanted to.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice muffled by her sleeves.

"You would have my abso100te sympathy if I knew what was wrong," Equius said. "As it is, I am merely concerned, and quite annoyed at your f00lish behoofiour."

"I have a matesprite crush on Karkat," Nepeta wailed, "but he's dating Terezi now!"

"I do not e%actly understand," Equius said. "I am purple%ed as to why you did not mention these feelings before."

Apparently he was hurt that Nepeta hadn't trusted him with her secret.

She mumbled something he didn't quite catch.

"What?" he said.

Again she mumbled, so he came up to her and asked again.

"I said," Nepeta snapped, turning her angry, tear-stained face towards him, "I didn't want to make you mad!"

"What?"

"Karkat's blood colour! Or did you forget? Mine's low enough already, remember? How would you f33l if I dated a rustblood? Or a mutant blood? I wanted to tell you so badly, but I couldn't! Don't you get it?" Nepeta yelled.

"I'm dating Aradia," Equius said simply. Nepeta threw her arms around his neck and bawled.

She cried for only a few minutes. The anger had redirected most of her emotions away from sorrow, and now she felt guilt, for interrupting Equius's kiss; shame, for being stupid enough to think she and Karkat would actually work and for taking the news so badly; and loss, because now she had no matesprite crush and the thought made her feel very much alone.

Equius let her squeeze his ribcage until she finished crying, but stayed as still as a statue and made no move to put his arms around her, ever fearful of hurting her. When she regained control of herself, she immediately released him. She knew he hated the feeling that any minute he might harm her.

He inspected the damage to his shirt – one large tear splotch and a few smaller ones – and Nepeta ordered him to sit.

Obediently, he sat down on the floor, and didn't even start sweating. Nepeta flopped on top of him.

"Are you okay?" Equius said anxiously.

"B33n better," Nepeta said.

"Would you like me to go kill Terezi for you?" Equius said.

"No!" Nepeta said. "That is a terrible idea."

"Should I kill Karkat, then?"

Nepeta gave her moirail an affectionate tap on the forehead.

"Facepalm," she said. "That is a worse idea."

"Oh," said Equius.

"But thank you."

"What would you like me to do, then?" Equius said. Nepeta slid off of him to lie down with her head in his lap.

"Stroke my hair, please," she said.

"No," said Equius.

"You won't hurt me!" Nepeta said, exasperated. "I know it."

"I might."

"You won't."

"No."

"Pleeeeeaaase?"

"No."

Nepeta stuck her tongue out. This was a frequent argument.

"Hold my hand then."

"Okay," Equius said reluctantly. Nepeta laced her fingers with his and sighed.

"Sorry," said Equius regretfully.

"It's not your fault," Nepeta said, then remembered something she should have been apologizing for. Her heart dropped into her stomach like a chunk of lead.

"Oh, my gog."

"Huh?"

There was a pause.

"Equius?" she said timidly.

"Yes, Nepeta?" he replied.

"Are you angry with me?" she said.

"I could never be angry with you," he said, and Nepeta was relieved to hear his voice calm, steady, and truthful.

"I'm so sorry for interrupting your kiss and for not telling you anything. Oh, it's all so messed up. Do you forgive me?" she said, in a tiny voice.

Equius pulled his glasses down to the end of his nose, leaned over her, and looked into her eyes. Instead of the angry, roiling chaos he had once shown her there: the confusion, beast instinct, and scraps of nobility that fought on incessantly behind his dark glasses, Nepeta saw compassion, faith, and most of all, love.

"Of course," Equius said. Nepeta had never heard such intensity in his voice before, such... strength.

He pushed his glasses back up his nose, kissed her quickly but gently on the cheek, and straightened up again.

When Nepeta spoke, her voice was choked with emotion. She had a lump in her throat, and tears in her eyes, but she had never been more proud in her life.

"Thank you," she said gratefully.

Equius's reply was a grunt, which broke the spell of the moment. But, wonder of wonders, Nepeta felt her hood being pulled back, then a swift, warm caress on the top of her head. Equius's hand lingered there for a moment, and he hurriedly withdrew it.

"I wouldn't trade you for a thousand Karkats," Nepeta said. "You're my moirail, now and furever. And that's how it should be."


	4. GAMMA Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Gamzee and Nepeta somehow end up together. MiRaClEs!

Nepeta figured that the first, and best, place to look for Equius was the main computer room. Her meowrail wasn't really the social type, but he did follow orders, and technically they were supposed to stay in the computer room. Silly old Karkitten said so. But when she'd asked nicely for permission to go work on her shipping wall, he had said yes. And here she was.

She found herself starting to get caught up in thoughts of Karkat again as she stepped on the transportalizer to take her to the lab.

'Not now, Nepeta,' she thought.

When she arrived, she quickly scanned the room for Equius. There he was, talking to Kanaya. Kanaya? Well, okay. Not wanting to interrupt, Nepeta hesitated for a moment with one foot half-on the transportalizer. Aradia hadn't said her talk with Equius was urgent. Perhaps she should just leave him alone?

Time to find a free chair and help herself to it, she supposed.

She saw Vriska, Sollux, Terezi, Karkat, Feferi, and Tavros sitting at various computers. She couldn't help herself; she really wanted to go to Karkat.

Nepeta started towards him, then hesitated. What would she say to him, anyway? He was probably in the middle of something. And Terezi was sitting beside him. That could get awkward.

So for once Nepeta played the 'fraidy cat and stayed away.

Behind her, the transportalizer swooshed into life, startling her. On instinct, she whirled, and ran smack into Gamzee with his arms full of horns.

He dropped most of them, frantically grabbed at the few within his grasp, juggled with them for a moment, and finally dropped them. The resultant cacophony of honks was deafening, and Nepeta couldn't help but laugh at his confusion. Everyone else in the lab turned to investigate the source of the sound, but seeing it was only Gamzee and his horns, made various noises and expressions of disgust and went back to work.

"H33 h33 h33!" Nepeta giggled. "Oops, sorry about that, Gamz33. I didn't s33 you there!"

To her amazement, he grinned. "I lOvE sUrPrIsEs, MaN. A sUrPrIsE iS a MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLe." He scooped up a few horns, and Nepeta bent to help him pick up the rest.

"What are you doing with all of these?" she said.

Gamzee replied by honking one loudly. Nepeta jumped and he laughed.

"SoRrY, cOuLdN't MoThErFuCkInG rEsIsT. iT's JuSt SuCh A mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeAuTiFuL nOiSe. LiKe A cHoIr Of MoThErFuCkInG aNgElS aLl Up In My ThInKpAn. CoMe SeE wHeRe I bE pUtTiNg ThEsE mOtHeRfUcKeRs At."

He led Nepeta over to a small pile of about twenty horns lying on the ground in the corner of the lab.

"I'm bUiLdInG mE a HoRn PiLe, SiStEr. It DoEsN't SeEm rIgHt FoR aLl ThE lOnElY lItTlE mOtHeRfUcKeRs tO bE aLl On tHeIr MoThErFuCkInG oWn, nOw DoEs It?" he said as he deposited his armful on the floor, with all the rest.

Nepeta grinned. She loved the way Gamzee talked – he was so sweet and silly, just like her.

"And then what?" she said.

"ThEn..." Gamzee paused, apparently not having thought that part through yet. A flash of inspiration lit his face. "AnD tHeN, i WiLl TaKe A nAp In ThE hOrN pIlE, aNd I wIlL dReAm ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg DrEaMs," he said, looking very pleased with himself.

"Sounds like a plan," Nepeta said. "Do you n33d any help collecting those things?"

"YeAh, sUrE. WiCkEd LiTtLe MoThErFuCkErS bE aLwAyS gEtTiNg ThEmSeLvEs InTo SoMe DeEp ShIt. I cOuLd UsE a HaNd," he said.

"Okay," Nepeta said cheerfully. "I just have to give a meowsage to Equius really quick. I'll be right back!" She turned, to go back to Equius and Kanaya, and suddenly did a double take.

Karkat and Terezi were kissing.

All sound faded away and numbness spread from her heart to her limbs. Nepeta's face turned as white as a sheet. As if from a very great distance, she heard Gamzee say, "HeY, sIsTeR, wHaT's MoThErFuCkInG wRoNg?" but she didn't answer. She couldn't. She couldn't even move, or tear her eyes away from the spectacle in front of her, which she desperately did not want to see.

Gamzee stepped in front of her, and put his hands on her shoulders. Her line of sight cut off, she blinked vacantly at empty space for a moment, then gasped as her thoughts caught up to her. Tears began to fill her eyes.

Gamzee said, "Oh FuCk. Uh, I'lL gO gEt YoUr MoThErFuCkInG mOiRaIl, OkAy?"

He let go of her shoulders and would have gone, but she grabbed his hand and said in a choked voice, "No, no, not him. Not Equius."

"WhAt?" Gamzee said, obviously perplexed.

"He doesn't know. He can't know, not about this," she whispered, the pleading plain in her voice. Gamzee nodded soberly and guided her to the transportalizer, always keeping her back to where Karat and Terezi were presumably still making out.

He gently led her through the next room to the room of the twelve transportalizers, and to her own, familiar room. He gave her a moment to catch her breath, then asked, "ArE yOu OkAy, SiStEr?"

Biting her lip, she shook her head. "Karkat," she said in a strangled whisper. Unable to bear it any longer, she covered her face with her hands and began to cry.

For a moment Gamzee looked around wildly as if expecting someone else to come running over and push him out of the way. When no one did, he said, "Oh, ShIt," and cautiously wrapped his arms around Nepeta.

"ShHhHhHhH, sHhHhHhHh," he said. "It'S gOnNa Be MoThErFuCkInG fInE, yOu'Ll SeE."

At this, Nepeta threw her arms around his stomach, buried her face in his chest, and sobbed. She felt him loosen and pull back her precious hood. Keeping one arm comfortingly around her, he began tentatively stroking her hair with the other hand.

"I gUeSs YoU hAd A mOtHeRfUcKiNg ShOcK. If I sAw My MoThErFuCkInG MaTeSpRiTe CrUsH mAkInG oUt WiTh SoMeOnE eLsE, I'd MoThErFuCkInG kIlL mYsElF," he murmured. "I'm So MoThErFuCkInG sOrRy YoU gOt InTo ThIs WiCkEd ShIt, NePeTa."

He let her cry, and cry, and cry, until his shirt was soaked. He never let go or stopped the soothing, rhythmic motion of his hand on her head. When the tears slowed, she just leaned against him, soaking up the comforting warmth of his body and trying to erase all thoughts of Karkat from her mind. When the tears stopped altogether, she released him and backed away.

She put her hood back on and tried to figure out her poor, bruised feelings. Gamzee, unsure of what to say, remained silent.

"Thanks," Nepeta said quietly.

"SuRe, SiStEr," he said.

Nepeta sighed, fumbled in her pocket for a handkerchief, and blew her nose loudly.

"MuSiC oF tHe MoThErFuCkInG aNgElS," Gamzee said, and honked a horn in reply. Nepeta jumped.

"You get me every time with that stupid thing!" she said. "Where did you have it hidden away? I thought you were putting all the horns on the pile."

"ThIs OnE iS mY aBsOlUtE mOtHeRfUcKiNg FaVoRiTe," said Gamzee. "EvErY hOrN iS dIfFeReNt AnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeAuTiFuL. lIkE mOtHeRfUcKiNg SnOwFlAkEs."

"Oh, yeah?" Nepeta said. Playfully, she batted the horn out of his hand.

"HeY! GiVe Me My MoThErFuCkInG hOrN bAcK!" Gamzee said indignantly.

"You're dangerous with this thing," Nepeta said. "It's confurscated!"

"ThAt'S nOt VeRy ChIlL, mAn," Gamzee complained.

"Well then," Nepeta said, a sparkle of mischief in her eye, "come and get it!"

"CaN't YoU jUsT gIvE a PoOr MoThErFuCkEr HiS mOtHeRfUcKiN' hOrN?" Gamzee said. Nepeta shook her head.

"UhHhH... pLeAsE?"

Nepeta must have looked disappointed, because he quickly said, "Oh, WhAt ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg HeLl," and made a grab for his prize.

"H33, h33, h33!" Nepeta said, dancing out of reach.

"CoMe On," Gamzee complained. But he was grinning now, too. He made another swipe and she turned and ran down the stairs, giggling all the way. She felt Gamzee grab the back of her coat, and braked suddenly. He ran into her and dropped the coat in surprise. They took a few more swipes at each other, until Gamzee managed to back her into a corner. As his right arm shot out towards her, she ducked under it, but he grabbed her wrist with his free hand. Quickly she switched the horn from her captured hand to the left one, in the process setting off another honk that had them both laughing again. Now that he had a hold of her, though, the chase was much shorter. After a brief struggle, Gamzee managed to grab Nepeta's other wrist.

"Now what?" she said. Unless he let go of a wrist, he couldn't grab the horn. But if he let go of one of her wrists, she'd just escape again.

"ArE yOu GoNnA gIvE a PoOr MoThErFuCkEr BaCk HiS hOrN, nOw?" Gamzee said. Nepeta said no.

He scowled.

"HmMmM..."

Quickly, he grabbed both of her wrists with one hand, then pulled her in and pinned her to him with the other arm. Nepeta squirmed, and managed to free the hand with the horn in it. She waved it around for a few moments before realising that Gamzee's attention had gone elsewhere.

She relaxed, waiting for his focus to come back to earth.

He raised a hand and Nepeta, thinking he was after the horn again, was instantly on her guard. But instead he cupped his hand under her chin and tilted it up, so they were looking into each other's eyes.

A delicious shiver went down Nepeta's spine. Her heart began to pound. Gamzee looked like he was bursting to say something, but he couldn't get the words out. Instead, he gently angled her head towards him and kissed her.

Nepeta didn't even think to struggle. His lips were warm, a little sticky, and a lot softer than she had expected, tasting ever-so-slightly of Faygo. Nepeta closed her eyes and abandoned herself to the flood of sweet emotions coursing through her. Unfortunately, she forgot that in one hand she was still holding the horn.

HONK!

Nepeta and Gamzee sprang apart as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped over them. Nepeta flung away the horn as if it were a hot potato. When she realised what had happened she started to giggle. It took Gamzee a few seconds to understand what had occurred before he laughed, too.

"You should have s33n your face!" Nepeta said. "H33, h33, so funny! Sorry about that."

"It'S mOtHeRfUcKiNg FiNe," Gamzee said. Although he was smiling, there was an edge to his voice Nepeta didn't understand. She forced her giddy brain to work, and one word stopped her mid-giggle.

Karkat.

Crap.

Gamzee must have understood the shock that flickered in her eyes, because he dropped all pretence and said forlornly, "YeAh, SoRrY aBoUt ThAt, SiStEr. It WaSn't MoThErFuCkInG cHiLl To TaKe AdVaNtAgE."

Confusion filled Nepeta's mind. What was wrong with her? Was she fickle or something? Half an hour ago she'd been crying over Karkat, and now...

Her lips were tingling pleasantly. She raised her hand to them almost unconsciously.

How had it all gone so wrong? She remembered painting in her shipping room without a care in the world, and half-wished she could return to that innocent, uncomplicated moment, and start over. The other half of her was still stuck thinking, 'Wow, that was some kiss!'

She remembered her painting of Gamzee and Karkat and sighed. She had been so proud of it.

Gamzee and Karkat. Karkat or Gamzee.

She realised now that she had crushes on both of them, but her feelings for Karkat had been so overwhelming that she hadn't really thought about anybody else. But that feeling was gone – shattered by Karkat, washed away by her tears, and, well – replaced by the kiss.

What would Equius think about all this? The reason she didn't want him to know about her crush on Karkat was because of his sensitivity on the blood-colour issue. Would he be proud that she'd attracted the attentions of a highblood, or would he be jealous of the competition? Albeit competition in the wrong quadrant. She thought it would be the former. Oh, she hoped it would be that option.

Hope. She hadn't expected that.

"Gamz33?" she said timidly. "Did you do that beclaws you want me to be your matesprite, or beclaws..." her voice trailed off as she studied Gamzee's face, trying to judge his reaction. She saw surprise flit across his features, then a hope to match her own.

"I hAvE a MoThErFuCkInG hUgE rEd SoLiCiTaTiOn GoInG oN hErE," he said. "aNd It'S gEtTiNg Me AlL uP iN mY tHiNkPaN bEcAuSe I dIdN't ThInK yOu LiKeD mE. We WeReN't EvEn On ThE sAmE mOtHeRfUcKiNg TeAm. AnD tHeN iT tUrNs OuT yOu HaVe A mOtHeRfUcKiNg ReD fEeLiNg FoR mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeSt FrIeNd."

"Well, it's pawsible to have two crushes at once..." Nepeta said, in a very small voice. "But I didn't know it until now."

"WhAt? My MotHeRfUcKiNg AuRiCuLaR sPoNgE cLoTs MuSt Be FuLl Of ShIt BeCaUsE i CoUlD hAvE sWoRn YoU jUsT sAiD tHeRe WaS a ChAnCe YoU wAnTeD tO bE mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg MaTeSpRiTe," Gamzee said.

"Let me rephrase," Nepeta said. "Gamzee, I think I have a red f33ling for you."

"MiRaClE oF mOtHeRfUcKiNg MirAcLeS," Gamzee breathed.

"Oh, please ask me out. Please. But not yet - I still need a little time to think," Nepeta said in a rush.

"WhAtEvEr YoU mOtHeRfUcKiNg WaNt, My BeAuTiFuL fUtUrE mAtEsPrItE," Gamzee said. Nepeta blushed.

"I mUsT bE tHe LuCkIeSt MoThErFuCkEr EvEr To EaT a MoThErFuCkInG sLiMe PiE," Gamzee said.

"Or to honk a motherfreaking horn," Nepeta giggled.

"HeY, wHeRe'S tHaT lItTlE MoThErFuCkEr At, AnYwAyS?" Gamzee said. A quick search and rescue ensued, leading to the discovery of the renegade horn at the foot of the stairs.

"So, what's so great about this thing?" Nepeta said curiously.

"HuH?" Gamzee said.

"I thought you said this was your favourite horn," Nepeta said.

"Oh. I wAs KiDdInG. BuT i GuEsS wE kNoW hOw MoThErFuCkInG lUcKy It Is NoW!"

"So it's not going on the horn pile, then?" Nepeta asked.

"HeLl YeS iT iS," said Gamzee. "It'S gOt To Be JoInInG aLl ItS MoThErFuCkInG bRoThErS, AiN't It? If We EvEr FiNd It AgAiN, It'Ll Be –"

"A miracle?" Nepeta guessed.

"ThAt'S rIgHt," Gamzee said. "a MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLe."


	5. DELTA Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Nepeta pulls herself together and gets over it.

Nepeta figured that the first, and best, place to look for Equius was the main computer room. Her meowrail wasn't really the social type, but he did follow orders, and technically they were supposed to stay in the computer room. Silly old Karkitten said so. But when she'd asked nicely for permission to go work on her shipping wall, he had said yes. And here she was.

She found herself starting to get caught up in thoughts of Karkat again as she stepped on the transportalizer to take her to the lab.

'Not now, Nepeta,' she thought.

When she arrived, she quickly scanned the room for Equius. There he was, talking to Kanaya. Kanaya? Well, okay. Not wanting to interrupt, Nepeta hesitated for a moment with one foot half-on the transportalizer. Aradia hadn't said her talk with Equius was urgent. Perhaps she should just leave him alone?

Time to find a free chair and help herself to it, she supposed.

She saw Vriska, Sollux, Terezi, Karkat, Feferi, and Tavros sitting at various computers. She couldn't help herself; she really wanted to go to Karkat.

Nepeta was just starting towards him when Terezi turned away from her computer and nudged Karkat with her elbow. Nepeta froze.

Suddenly, her breath left her body in a huff and her heart began to pound in her ears. Because from the look on Terezi's face, she knew in her soul exactly what was going to happen. She couldn't turn her eyes away from the terrible thing unfolding in front of her. Although she was too far away from Terezi to hear what she was saying, Nepeta saw and felt the word "matesprite" on her lips. Karkat, for the first time in forever, smiled. And then he leaned forward and kissed Terezi on the lips.

Nepeta's whole body went numb with shock, and her face turned as white as Tinkerbull. All sound faded away and her ears began to ring. She felt as hollow as Aradia, and twice as dead. Somehow – and she wasn't sure how – she was able to pick up her foot, turn on her heel, and practically leap back into the transportalizer, leaving only a flash of green behind her.

The jolt and tingle from the transportalizer somewhat brought her back to her senses. She took a deep breath as the numbness lifted and a heavy feeling like a lead cannon ball in her stomach began to weigh her down. The ringing in her ears left, to be replaced with a terrible, awful silence instead. Nepeta gasped as if she were in physical pain, and felt her throat hitch as she swallowed down a sob. Tears began to cloud her vision as she sprinted towards the transportalizer.

She arrived in the room with 12 individualized portals and breathlessly tried to get her bearings and her composure back. Her head was spinning and she could barely think straight, but the one thing she remembered was that Aradia was in her shipping room. She growled in frustration and turned away from Equius's portal, which she had been instinctively heading towards. She went to her own portal instead, hoping no one else was in there.

As soon as she arrived, she bolted. She ran down several flights of stairs, then down a long corridor, down and down and down, just like her heart. It sank lower and lower, past her ribs, into her stomach, down to her knees. When her heart was in her toes, and finally she was out of places to run too, she slid gracefully to the floor and pulled her coat over her head, then abandoned herself to her tears.

She had known this was coming, so why hadn't she been prepared? She had known that Karkat and Terezi had flushed feelings for each other, but why did they have to show it right in front of her? She only hoped to gog that Karkat hadn't seen her, because that would make everything ten times worse. Nepeta cried for her broken heart, for the loss of her long-cherished hope, and for the fact that she was alone with not even her much-adored meowrail's strong arms around her for comfort. The only time she had ever felt worse than this was when Pounce died for the second time. And that seemed like an eternity ago.

Gradually Nepeta's tears stopped, but still she didn't move. She lay there for a long time, not making a sound. She felt empty, completely emotionally drained. She pressed her face into her arm and tried not to think about anything at all. Time felt suspended as she dozed through an hour of eternal blankness.

When she eventually woke up, the first thing she did was sit up and stretch. Her well-tuned muscles felt stiff and slightly sore from being in the same position for so long. She sighed ruefully as she inspected her coat and discovered a big wet tear splotch on it. While she fixed her clothes and massaged away her leg cramps, her brain began to whirr back into gear.

'So,' she thought to herself, 'Now what?'

First and foremost in her mind was avoiding Karkat and Terezi, especially Karkat and Terezi together. Second was how she would fend off awkward questions from anyone who may have seen her run out of the computer room. She tried to remember who had been there, facing in her direction. Although Karkat's back had been towards her, Terezi's hadn't. However, Terezi had been quite occupied and distracted, Nepeta bitterly reflected. She had a sudden flash of Karkat and Terezi kissing, which she swiftly shoved away. But she wasn't quick enough to stop her chest from getting tight and to stop her calm detached composure from going to pieces again.

'This is pawpycock,' she thought angrily as she rubbed her eyes furiously. 'Stop it, Nepeta. Get a backbone.'

But she couldn't. The pain just wouldn't go away. She sat and took deep breaths until the pricking in her eyes stopped, but the ache in her chest remained. Once again, she wished that Equius were there to hold and comfort her. She wondered how long it would take him to figure out where she was.

'What am I going to do? Never leave this room again?' she thought. Perhaps she should go looking for him. She remembered her errand for Aradia and groaned. That meant she had to leave; her moirail and his matesprite had waited apart long enough. Nepeta started up the stairs to go find Aradia, but suddenly thought of Karkat again, and realised she couldn't do it.

She sat down on the steps, hyperventilating, and cradled her head in her hands. Her heart started to pound. All of a sudden she couldn't take it anymore.

"Argh!" she yelled, leaping to her feet. "What the hell is wrong with me? This is fucking ridiculous! I kill things, for gog's sake!"

She dove down the stairs, rolled as she hit the ground, and got to her feet, all in one fluid motion. She snapped her claws out, and braced herself in a fighting stance, wishing she had an imp or a robot to fight and destroy.

"Purrk up, Nepeta," she said, taking vicious swipes at the air with her long, sharp claws. "What is there to cry about anyway? Don't purrtend you didn't know this was coming!"

But loving Karkat has been such a big part of her life. She doubted she could even look him in the eye anymore. What about Terezi? She couldn't be angry at Terezi – and was relieved to find that she wasn't. She couldn't break up the team just because of her jealousy. That would be terrible, and probably the worst thing to do to Karkat. And she couldn't let herself get blackroom feelings for Terezi, because they would be built on nothing, and as telling as shouting "I'm a transpurrantly jealous idiot who is totally not in love with you!" at Karkat every time he entered the room.

How could she let go of the past and yet remain herself? If she didn't she would have to suffer the same pain all over again each time she saw him look at Terezi, hold her hand, kiss her...

She stopped fighting invisible enemies and let her arms swing limply by her sides as she remembered the look on Karkat's face. He had looked... happy.

Happy. That was something she couldn't give him, that only Terezi could. Well, she had matesprite feelings for him, and if she were a truly good person, that meant she only wanted for him the best. She was still in love with him, but it was a love she had to put aside, for now. In the meantime, she had to be the biggest person, and the best friend possible, and let him go.

She went back to the bottom of the stairs and pictured Karkat at the top. She hesitated for a moment, then began to climb back up.

"I am the Rogue of Heart," she informed imaginary Karkat, and this time there was a firmness in her voice, a quiet faith born of true conviction, not of false anger. "I am fr33, I am strong, and my heart will nefur, efur be destroyed."


	6. EPSILON Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Nepeta takes her anger out on Eridan.

Nepeta figured that the first, and best, place to look for Equius was the main computer room. Her meowrail wasn't really the social type, but he did follow orders, and technically they were supposed to stay in the computer room. Silly old Karkitten said so. But when she'd asked nicely for permission to go work on her shipping wall, he had said yes. And here she was.

She found herself starting to get caught up in thoughts of Karkat again as she stepped on the transportalizer to take her to the lab.

'Not now, Nepeta,' she thought.

When she arrived, she quickly scanned the room for Equius. There he was, talking to Kanaya. Kanaya? Well, okay. Not wanting to interrupt, Nepeta hesitated for a moment with one foot half-on the transportalizer. Aradia hadn't said her talk with Equius was urgent. Perhaps she should just leave him alone?

Time to find a free chair and help herself to it, she supposed.

She saw Vriska, Sollux, Terezi, Karkat, Feferi, and Tavros sitting at various computers. She couldn't help herself; she really wanted to go to Karkat.

Nepeta was just starting towards him when Terezi turned away from her computer and nudged Karkat with her elbow. Nepeta froze.

Suddenly, her breath left her body in a huff and her heart began to pound in her ears. Because from the look on Terezi's face, she knew in her soul exactly what was going to happen. She couldn't turn her eyes away from the terrible thing unfolding in front of her. Although she was too far away from Terezi to hear what she was saying, Nepeta saw and felt the word "matesprite" on her lips. Karkat, for the first time in forever, smiled. And then he leaned forward and kissed Terezi on the lips.

Nepeta's whole body went numb with shock, and her face turned as white as Tinkerbull. All sound faded away and her ears began to ring. She felt as hollow as Aradia, and twice as dead. Somehow – and she wasn't sure how – she was able to pick up her foot, turn on her heel, and practically leap back into the transportalizer, leaving only a flash of green behind her.

The jolt and tingle from the transportalizer somewhat brought her back to her senses. She took a deep breath as the numbness lifted and a heavy feeling like a lead cannon ball in her stomach began to weigh her down. The ringing in her ears left, to be replaced with a terrible, awful silence instead. Nepeta gasped as if she were in physical pain, and felt her throat hitch as she swallowed down a sob. Tears began to cloud her vision as she sprinted towards the transportalizer.

She arrived in the room with 12 individualized portals and breathlessly tried to get her bearings and her composure back. Her head was spinning and she could barely think straight, but the one thing she remembered was that Aradia was in her shipping room. She growled in frustration and turned away from Equius's portal, which she had been instinctively heading towards. She went to her own portal instead, hoping no one else was in there.

As soon as she arrived, she bolted. She ran down several flights of stairs, then down a long corridor, down and down and down, just like her heart. It sank lower and lower, past her ribs, into her stomach, down to her knees. When her heart was in her toes, and finally she was out of places to run too, she slid gracefully to the floor and pulled her coat over her head, then abandoned herself to her tears.

She had known this was coming, so why hadn't she been prepared? She had known that Karkat and Terezi had flushed feelings for each other, but why did they have to show it right in front of her? She only hoped to gog that Karkat hadn't seen her, because that would make everything ten times worse. Nepeta cried for her broken heart, for the loss of her long-cherished hope, and for the fact that she was alone with not even her much-adored meowrail's strong arms around her for comfort. The only time she had ever felt worse than this was when Pounce died for the second time. And that seemed like an eternity ago.

Gradually Nepeta's tears stopped, but still she didn't move. She lay there for a long time, not making a sound. She felt empty, completely emotionally drained. She pressed her face into her arm and tried not to think about anything at all. Time felt suspended as she dozed through an hour of eternal blankness.

When she eventually woke up, the first thing she did was sit up and stretch. Her well-tuned muscles felt stiff and slightly sore from being in the same position for so long. She sighed ruefully as she inspected her coat and discovered a big wet tear splotch on it. While she fixed her clothes and massaged away her leg cramps, her brain began to whirr back into gear.

'So,' she thought to herself, 'Now what?'

First and foremost in her mind was avoiding Karkat and Terezi, especially Karkat and Terezi together. Second was how she would fend off awkward questions from anyone who may have seen her run out of the computer room. She tried to remember who had been there, facing in her direction. Although Karkat's back had been towards her, Terezi's hadn't. However, Terezi had been quite occupied and distracted, Nepeta bitterly reflected. She had a sudden flash of Karkat and Terezi kissing, which she swiftly shoved away. But she wasn't quick enough to stop her chest from getting tight and to stop her calm detached composure from going to pieces again.

'This is pawpycock,' she thought angrily as she rubbed her eyes furiously. 'Stop it, Nepeta. Get a backbone.'

But she couldn't. The pain just wouldn't go away. She sat and took deep breaths until the pricking in her eyes stopped, but the ache in her chest remained. Once again, she wished that Equius were there to hold and comfort her. She wondered how long it would take him to figure out where she was.

'What am I going to do? Never leave this room again?' she thought. Perhaps she should go looking for him herself. She remembered her errand for Aradia and groaned. That meant she had to leave; her moirail and his matesprite had waited apart long enough.

But she imagined Karkat at the top of the stairs, and shuddered.

'Come on, everything will be all right again if you just find Equius,' Nepeta told herself. And she knew it was true.

Squaring her shoulders, she brushed imaginary Karkat aside as if he were a cobweb, marched up the stairs, and transportalized back to the room of the twelve portals. Eridan was just coming out of his own as she arrived.

"Oh, hi, Nep," he said. "Wwhat's goin on, there?"

"Nothing much. Just looking fur Equius," she said, shrugging awkwardly.

"Wwhat's the matter, Nep?" Eridan said. "You're lookin a little less bubbly than usual."

"Oh, I'm fine," Nepeta said, plastering a smile over her features. The eyes of her hat betrayed her, but Eridan didn't notice. "Just lost in thought, I guess."

"Okay," Eridan said. Before he could add anything more, Nepeta changed the subject.

"Did you know that Karkat and Terezi are dating, now?" she said.

"Really? You'd think a teal blood like Terezi wwould wwant to better herself by dating a highblood," Eridan sneered.

"I hate to tell you this," Nepeta said, slightly annoyed, "but if you want to fill all your quadrants, efur, you're going to have to date down."

"I don't better myself, other people better themselvves wwith me," Eridan said arrogantly.

Now Nepeta really was annoyed. "And how do you know Karkat isn't a highblood, anyway?"

"It's obvvious," Eridan said, unaware of Nepeta's mounting irritation. "He talks like fuckin gutter trash. He doesn't respect the order of things, and only a rustblood wwould be enough of a fuckin cowward to hide his blood colour. Wwhen he drops dead in ten years, you'll see."

"Don't be ridiculous," Nepeta snapped. "Gamz33 curses his head off, and his blood is just as good as yours!"

"Is not," Eridan said. "It's lighter, and he's a lowwly land-dwweller. He dilutes it wwith that filth he drinks, anywway. Motherfuckin motherfuck, honk!"

"You say the f-word all the time," Nepeta said.

"I," Eridan said pompously, "am _allowwed_."

That was just too much for Nepeta. Her eyes blazed, her hair bristled like an angry cat's, and she growled low in her throat. Eridan suddenly looked nervous.

"You... are... such... an... asshole!" Nepeta hissed. Then she lunged for his throat.

Eridan squeaked and ducked, but Nepeta landed on top of him anyway. She drew back her hand and punched him right in the eye. He clamped down on her hand with a strong jaw full of sharp teeth, and she shrieked as he rolled, trying to dislodge her. With her free hand, she grabbed his throat; he was forced to spit out her hand. Nepeta was consumed with the desire to choke the life out of him. She had never felt such fury towards anything in her entire life. Through the red haze of anger she remembered she had weapons.

With a soft shiiick, her trusty claws sprang out of the ends of her glove. She rested the tip of one claw lightly on Eridan's eyelid, and said coldly, "Stop moving or I will take your eye out and make you eat it."

Eridan stared in disbelief. "Wwhat? That's not fair... Kar wwon't let you... Stop it."

"Oh, shut up, you big pansy," Nepeta said disdainfully.

Eridan closed his mouth and regarded her with large, round eyes. Nepeta took some deep breaths and began to calm down.

"So, does this mean you're my kismesis, noww?" Eridan said, and Nepeta almost lost it again.

"No," she growled. "This means we're _enemies_."

He opened his mouth.

" _No_ ," she said, eyes flashing. "It is not the same thing. Now _shut up_!"

She heard the transportalizer behind her, but she didn't turn. There was laughter, but it was abruptly cut off.

"Wh4t th3..." she heard Terezi say.

"Claws in. Now," Karkat ordered sharply, grasping the situation right away.

"You don't want me to stab him through his nonexistent thinkpan?" Nepeta said, but she did as he asked. Eridan breathed a sigh of relief, then fainted.

"Much as I hate that fucking loser, no," Karkat said. "But I suppose his little racist ass wouldn't be much of a loss to this world."

"Shut your protein chute, you're just as bad," Nepeta said wearily, clambering to her feet. She realised that what she had said was true. She'd always had a sneaking suspicion that Karkat knew about her crush, and he had never managed to man up and confront her about it. That made him a coward. Worse, he had always treated her like crap. She'd seen kindness in him emerge towards other people, including Eridan, but it had never been directed at her.

Nepeta realised anger was directing her thoughts. Karkat was staring at her with his mouth slightly open. Olive blood was pouring out of her injured hand.

It was Terezi who broke the frosty silence, cackling insanely. "H3h3h3, sh3 told you, K4rkl3s," Terezi laughed.

"Shut the fuck up, Terezi," said Karkat. Everyone relaxed.

"Sorry," Nepeta said, blushing. She was mortified, but relieved. She didn't have a crush on Karkat anymore, and if that had to come at Eridan's expense, that was okay with her. She supposed she owed him something now. And she was really glad she hadn't put his eye out.

"Before you ask," she said bashfully, "Eridan isn't my kismesis. I just really wanted to kill him."

That only made Terezi laugh harder. The corner of Karkat's lip twitched.

"So, working out some issues here, are we?" he said dryly.

Nepeta couldn't help but laugh. "You got it, Karkat," she said. He cracked and finally grinned.

"H33, h33, h33!" said Nepeta. She no longer felt anger or sadness, and was happy with everyone involved – well, except perhaps for Eridan. But when all was said and done, her heart was healing. Life is short, and the universe is vast and strange, but she would travel time and space with the very best friends a cat could have.

And it was good.


	7. ZETA Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Nepeta and Tavros get friendly.

Nepeta figured that the first, and best, place to look for Equius was the main computer room. Her meowrail wasn't really the social type, but he did follow orders, and technically they were supposed to stay in the computer room. Silly old Karkitten said so. But when she'd asked nicely for permission to go work on her shipping wall, he had said yes. And here she was.

She found herself starting to get caught up in thoughts of Karkat again as she stepped on the transportalizer to take her to the lab.

'Not now, Nepeta,' she thought.

When she arrived, she quickly scanned the room for Equius. There he was, talking to Kanaya. Kanaya? Well, okay. Not wanting to interrupt, Nepeta hesitated for a moment with one foot half-on the transportalizer. Aradia hadn't said her talk with Equius was urgent. Perhaps she should just leave him alone?

Time to find a free chair and help herself to it, she supposed.

She saw Vriska, Sollux, Terezi, Karkat, Feferi, and Tavros sitting at various computers. She couldn't help herself; she really wanted to go to Karkat.

Nepeta was just starting towards her when Terezi turned away from her computer and nudged Karkat with her elbow. Nepeta froze.

Suddenly, her breath left her body in a huff and her heart began to pound in her ears. Because from the look on Terezi's face, she knew in her soul exactly what was going to happen. She couldn't turn her eyes away from the terrible thing unfolding in front of her. Although she was too far away from Terezi to hear what she was saying, Nepeta saw and felt the word "matesprite" on her lips. Karkat, for the first time in forever, smiled. And then he leaned forward and kissed Terezi on the lips.

Nepeta's whole body went numb with shock, and her face turned as white as Tinkerbull. All sound faded away and her ears began to ring. She felt as hollow as Aradia, and twice as dead. Somehow – and she wasn't sure how – she was able to pick up her foot, turn on her heel, and practically leap back into the transportalizer, leaving only a flash of green behind her.

The jolt and tingle from the transportalizer somewhat brought her back to her senses. She took a deep breath as the numbness lifted and a heavy feeling like a lead cannon ball in her stomach began to weigh her down. The ringing in her ears left, to be replaced with a terrible, awful silence instead. Nepeta gasped as if she were in physical pain, and felt her throat hitch as she swallowed down a sob. Tears began to cloud her vision as she sprinted towards the transportalizer.

She arrived in the room with 12 individualized portals and breathlessly tried to get her bearings and her composure back. Her head was spinning and she could barely think straight, but the one thing she remembered was that Aradia was in her shipping room. She yowled in frustration and turned away from Equius's portal, which she had been instinctively heading towards. Where was her portal? Her desperation mounted as she turned slowly in a circle, trying to glimpse her familiar green sign through a veil of tears. Half-blind, she stumbled in the direction of the transportalizer.

As soon as she arrived, she bolted. She ran down the stairs and down the stairs and down a corridor and down the stairs, down and down and down, just like her heart. It sank lower and lower, past her ribs, into her stomach, down to her knees. When her heart was in her toes, and finally she was out of places to run too, she slid gracefully to the floor and pulled her coat over her head, then abandoned herself to her tears.

She had known this was coming, so why hadn't she been prepared? She had known that Karkat and Terezi had flushed feelings for each other, but why did they have to show it right in front of her? She only hoped to gog that Karkat hadn't seen her, because that would make everything ten times worse. Nepeta cried for her broken heart, for the loss of her long-cherished hope, and for the fact that she was alone with not even her much-adored meowrail's strong arms around her for comfort. The only time she had ever felt worse than this was when Pounce died for the second time. And that seemed like an eternity ago.

Gradually her sobs slowed to tears, like gently falling rain after a spring thunderstorm. She took deep breaths to calm her heaving heart, and wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeve. Calming down a little, she sat up, pulled her coat back into place, and took her hood off. She shook out her hair and tried to remove the creases that seemed to have moulded themselves into her hood. A very wet, miserable, dishevelled figure she looked as she scooted over to the wall and leaned against it with a sigh. The cool metal against her cheek soothed her a little. She was just starting to feel better when she heard an almighty crash from the direction of the first set of stairs.

Instantly she leapt to her feet, letting her hood fall to the floor beside her. She heard some creaking, them more clattering and crashing. It sounded like a herd of robots was trying and failing to get down the stairs. There was more clinking and banging as the thing reached her corridor.

Nepeta ducked next to the stairwell, preparing to pounce on the intruder. Every nerve in her body sang, and her muscles tensed as she heard the thing start down the stairs. She could hear it breathe and rustle and she waited, tight as a coiled spring, for it to reach the nearest step.

"Rrr-argh!" she yelled, roaring like a lion as she sprang and pounced on her prey, latching her hands around its throat. Her anger changed to confusion as she found that the neck belonged to another troll, but it was too late.

End over end they rolled as they fell down the last few feet of stairs. Nepeta found herself nose to nose with, and on top of, Tavros.

"Woah!" she said, rolling away and leaping to her feet. "Tavros? What the heck are you doing here? How did you... um, robotic legs?"

"Uh, ow," Tavros said breathlessly. "That was, uh, the third set of stairs, and I was, uh, about to make it down all the way."

Nepeta grabbed her hood, then sat down on the floor again with a plop. She curled up cross-legged and waited for Tavros to answer all of her questions.

"And, uh, I think I should be asking you what you are, uh, doing here. Uh, this is my room," Tavros said as he untangled his legs and sat up, rubbing his head.

"What?" Nepeta squeaked. "I must have come here by mistake!" she realised, blushing deeply. "I'm so embarrassed!"

"It's, uh, okay," said Tavros. "But, uh, I wish I had made it down that last flight of, uh, stairs. Uh, that would have made up for, uh, falling down the second one."

"I'm sorry," Nepeta said again, hanging her head in mortification. Today was just not going her way. First Karkat, and now this. She almost felt like she would cry again. To her great shame, she felt more tears pooling in her eyes, and she quickly turned away from Tavros, folding and then smoothing out her hood.

"Well," he said, obliviously dusting off his clothing, "it was your, uh, moirail who gave me new legs, and Kanaya who, uh, chain-sawed off the old ones while I was sleeping, so I guess it's, uh, okay."

"E-Equius?" Nepeta said shakily. "He gave you new legs? I'm so gl- I'm so glad. Congratulations."

"Uh, hey, uh, what's wrong?" Tavros asked, finally looking up at her. Seeing that her back was turned, he began the clamorous and ungainly process of hoisting himself to his knees, attempting to peer over her shoulder. When Nepeta didn't answer, he waited a long moment before sitting back on his heels.

Nepeta rubbed her eyes furiously with her sleeve and took a few deep breaths. She stared fixedly at the hat she was now twisting and untwisting in her hands. After a moment of silence, she said, in a strangled whisper, "Karkat and Terezi."

There was another pause.

"Did you, uh, like one of them? I mean, like as in have an, uh, crush on them. Like, uh, like like. Uh, yeah. You know what I mean?" he said awkwardly.

"Karkat, redroom," Nepeta said managed to choke out. She could barely say his name.

"Uh, sorry," said Tavros. Neither of them knew what to add, so they both sat in contemplative quiet for a while. Nepeta concentrated on her hood and tried to block out all thought. She sniffed a few times, but Tavros was kind enough not to notice.

At long last, she felt the touch of a hand on her shoulder. She looked around to meet Tavros's concerned yellow gaze.

"Did they see me?" she blurted out.

"Uh, what?" Tavros said, confused, pulling away.

"When I ran out of the control room, did they see me?" she repeated.

"Uh, no," said Tavros, hand dropping to his side. "The only person I saw leave after the, uh, kiss, was, uh, Equius. He, uh, went to make me these legs, but uh, of course I didn't know that until, uh, after he put them on me."

Belatedly Nepeta remembered why she had left her shipping room in the first place, and felt guilty. Well, it wasn't her fault – she had, understandably, been distracted. And besides, Equius had gone back to his room, even if it was a little late, and for the wrong reason.

"Oh, thank gog. Thank you, Tavros," she said, with real relief in her voice.

"No, uh, problem. No problem," Tavros said. Nepeta thought he was about to clam up again, when he said, "Oh! Uh, there's something else you, uh, missed, which is that, uh, Terezi found these alien kids. One of them, uh, sent her 413 boonbonds, and apparently they are, uh, the reason we couldn't claim our, uh, reward."

"Cool," Nepeta said listlessly.

"That means, uh, two things," Tavros continued. "One is that, uh, maybe we can fix what, uh, happened, and, uh, win after all. The second is that, uh, Vriska now has less, uh, treasure, than Terezi."

"Well, that's something," Nepeta sighed.

"Vriska, uh, scares me, so I guess it's a good thing that, uh, she doesn't have all the, uh, money, now. She's a big, hungry spider, and, uh, she eats everything she wants to, uh, get rid of. That, uh, includes me," Tavros said, attempting to lighten the mood a little.

Nepeta rewarded him with a weak grin.

"I guess if we, uh, have to pick sides, I should, uh, join Terezi. Or else I get eaten by, uh, this," he said. He screwed up his face into what Nepeta realised was supposed to be a ferocious glare, and waved his fingers around the side of his face to look like eight little legs. The overall effect was like a cuttlefish on a bad hair day. Nepeta couldn't help but let out an involuntary giggle.

Encouraged, Tavros scowled harder, crossed his eyes, and circled his fingers around them, like glasses. "Look at me, I have, uh, eight eyes!" he said. "Whoops, uh, ten eyes. I, uh, forgot to count the glasses."

Nepeta began to laugh, and found that she couldn't stop laughing. She laughed and laughed as Tavros made every weird face he could think of, some of them twice. By the end of it both of them were collapsed on the ground, chuckling till their sides ached. Both of them took a few moments to get their breath back, but then Tavros did his original Vriska-spider-face again, and both of them lost it.

Finally they stopped laughing long enough for Nepeta to say, "Thanks, Tavros. I feel... okay, now."

"You're, uh, welcome," he said. "And me, uh, too. I, uh, feel better too."

"How?" Nepeta said curiously, as she squashed her hair flat with one hand and slid her hood on with the other.

"Laughing about, uh, Vriska. I, uh, did a lot of stupid stuff when it came to, uh, her. And, uh, now I guess I feel less, uh, lost. That relationship was just, uh, a really big screw-up."

"Did you ever have f33lings fur her?" Nepeta said.

"Yes," Tavros said. "Feelings of, uh, deep confusion." Nepeta smiled as he stood up and offered her his hand.

"I don't know about, uh, you, but I think I want to, uh, go upstairs and, uh, meet those aliens," he said. Nepeta took the offered hand and he pulled her to her feet.

"They should appeal to your, uh, curiosity, too," he added.

"H33 h33 h33, you know me too well!" Nepeta said, grinning.

"Now let's see if, uh, I can get back up those, uh, stairs. Gravity isn't, uh, on my side this time. Well, not that it was, uh, last time, but uh, more so," said Tavros.

"I'll help you," Nepeta said kindly. "I'm sure Equius would prefur that I purrsonally watch ofur his creation."

"Uh, yeah," said Tavros. "He did warn me about the, uh, stairs."

Arm in arm, paw in paw, they set off to climb up and up, to face the world again together.


End file.
